i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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