Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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