it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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