Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
