if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
