I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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