I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The uberlube is also flammable
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.