Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!