Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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