Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
