omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
