then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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