There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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