My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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