I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
