the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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