My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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