they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
