He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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