I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
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I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
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He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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