Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize