He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
