i already hear my dad disowning me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The Olympian is in my bed
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
