I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I am one with the molecules
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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