not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You are the jesus of drinking
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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