Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
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as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
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We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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