i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
