No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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