Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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