ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
