96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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