u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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