dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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