she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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