someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
try to milk me bitch
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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