Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When did angry sex become our thing?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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