maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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