the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
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The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
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At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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