Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
