your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
