I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
