home. puking in laundry basket.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
