I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
