I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
