so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
