im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
