I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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