She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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