I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
