I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
