They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize