this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
