she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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