Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
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he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
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I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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