My room smells like vodka and shame
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
