just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I woke up under a house in Key West
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
