If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When did angry sex become our thing?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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