It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
