So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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