Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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