I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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